


Dark Johnny

by KoreArabin



Category: Dracula & Related Fandoms, Dracula (TV 2020), Dracula - Bram Stoker
Genre: Bellowing, Creepy Bad Badgers, Eyes, M/M, Owls, Wrists, ldiocy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoreArabin/pseuds/KoreArabin
Summary: He was a dark, evil, wine drinker with ginger eyes and tall wrists. His friends saw him as a long, low lawyer. Once, he had even helped a delicious owl cross the road. That's the sort of man he was.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mucking about with a friend, an online story generator, and too much wine produced this masterpiece. Enjoy.

Johnny had always hated Old Castle with its decomposing, delightful Darkness. It was a place where he felt shocked.

He was a dark, evil, wine drinker with ginger eyes and tall wrists. His friends saw him as a long, low lawyer. Once, he had even helped a delicious owl cross the road. That's the sort of man he was.

Johnny walked over to the window and reflected on his Stone surroundings. The snow flurried like running bats.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dracula . Dracula was a powerful monster with slim eyes and dark wrists.

Johnny gulped. He was not prepared for Dracula.

As Johnny stepped outside and Dracula came closer, he could see the steep glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want to find him," Dracula bellowed, in a seductive tone. He slammed his fist against Johnny's chest, with the force of 3044 flies. "I frigging love you, Johnny ."

Johnny looked back, even more brave and still fingering the cold map. "Dracula, let me go," he replied.

They looked at each other with frightened feelings, like two weary, wet wolves hiding at a very sexy snow storm, which had piano music playing in the background and two dominant uncles plotting to the beat.

Johnny studied Dracula's slim eyes and dark wrists. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you to find him," he explained, in pitying tones.

Dracula looked panicked, his body raw like a combative, clumsy crucifix.

Johnny could actually hear Dracula's body shatter into 7599 pieces. Then the powerful monster hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of wine would calm Johnny's nerves tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Johnny was thinking about Dracula again. Dracula was a tight-fisted queen with hairy toenails and moist legs.

Johnny walked over to the window and reflected on his creepy surroundings. He had always hated cold Wigan with its ancient, arrogant rubbish tip. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel sparkly.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a tight-fisted figure of Dracula .

Johnny gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a clumsy, mean, wine drinker with red toenails and curvy legs. His friends saw him as a leaking, late lawyer. Once, he had even rescued a knobbly deaf person from a burning building.

But not even a clumsy person who had once rescued a knobbly deaf person from a burning building, was prepared for what Dracula had in store today.

The clouds danced like drinking donkeys, making Johnny worried. Johnny grabbed a cursed sandwich that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Johnny stepped outside and Dracula came closer, he could see the tough glint in his eye.

Dracula gazed with the affection of 5593 creepy bad badgers. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want to marry you."

Johnny looked back, even more worried and still fingering the cursed sandwich. "Dracula, I am not like you," he replied.

They looked at each other with surprised feelings, like two plastic, puny pigeons shouting at a very stupid rave, which had trance music playing in the background and two callous grannies rampaging to the beat.

Suddenly, Dracula lunged forward and tried to punch Johnny in the face. Quickly, Johnny grabbed the cursed sandwich and brought it down on Dracula's eyebrow.

Dracula's hairy toenails trembled and his moist legs wobbled. He looked sleepy, his emotions raw like a purring, purple piano.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Dracula was dead.

Johnny went back inside and made himself a nice glass of wine.


End file.
